How To Improve Your Calibration

I gotta tell you that I'm constantly hearing guys talk about
calibration.

But what does calibration REALLY mean in relation to dating?

You could open the dictionary and easily look up a dozen
different definitions for the word.

But there is one in particular I think all Pickup Artists should
memorize:


cal·i·brate [kal-uh-breyt] -verb

-to determine the correct range for (an artillery gun, mortar,
etc.) by observing where the fired projectile hits.



Please read that again because it is a perfect analogy for what we
are trying to accomplish in a seduction.

Every guru and their mother make reference to calibration but tend
to be extremely vague when talking about how to IMPROVE
IT.

I've heard all sorts of crap, everything from "You just have to
practice more" to "Calibration can't be taught, that's why
naturals are naturals."

Such bullshit. If I could put a sound effect in right now it would
be that annoying buzzer from Family Feud.

Of course calibration can be improved! And I'm going to show you a
technique that will do it.

It's called:


'Imaginary Action Reversal'


In a nutshell it's quite simple...


Before you start down a risky conversational topic, send a text
message, make a phone call, go in for the kiss, or any other
assortment of actions you might take with a woman, it is useful to
IMAGINE that whatever you are about to do...she does to
you instead!


Then ask yourself:

"Did I just get MORE attracted or LESS attracted to her?"

And finally, allow your intuitive response to guide your
decision whether or not to make the move.

Think about it...

Who is the best judge you have to determine if an action is
'attractive' or not?

You guessed it, it's YOU.

I know men are from Mars and woman are from Jupiter or whatever,
but we sure got a lot of things in common and one of those things is
definitely attraction. 

Behavior that normally turns me off, usually turns a woman off.
And behavior that normally turns me on, usually turns a woman on. 

We are not as different as society has us believe.


So if you'd like to take your own calibration to the next level,
here is a quick recap of the steps:


1. You get an impulse to say or do something that relates to her

2. You imagine HER saying or doing it to YOU

3. You pay attention to your own emotional response (to the image)
and let the quality of your response determine whether or not you
go through with the action


Easy as Pie.


Practicing this exercise is simple, fun, and an amazingly
effective way of developing pin-point calibration.


               Have fun,

Julian

 
PS:  Depending on the situation, the amount of TIME you have to use
the technique is a factor.  You don't want to interrupt the 
flow of a good conversation if you don't have to. 
 
Just be confident that the more comfortable you become with 
Imaginary Action Reversal, the faster you will get, and eventually
it will become something you are always subliminally aware of.

The Basics Of Disqualification‏

This week we're going to be talking about

the basics of disqualification.

Barriers build attraction. If you look at romance

novels, romantic movies, even Shakespearean love

stories. There is always a reason why the man and

woman cannot be together.

Barriers also create space for further escalation.

Try telling a woman you want to have sex with her

before kissing her, then tell her you're not going to

have sex with her before trying to kiss her.

Tell me which one works better.

Disqualifiers should always be fixable.

A good example of a disqualifier is telling a

woman you don't date girls you meet in bars.

A bad disqualifier is telling a girl that you are gay

. Disqualifiers have to be something women can break down.

Women should be aware that you're flirting with

them when you use a disqualifier. If the girl actually

thinks you don't like her, you did it wrong.

Don't get sucked into a conversation about the disqualifying

comment. The only exception is when it helps you escalate

the interaction.

It's a good idea to combine disqualifiers with sexually

escalating comments. For example you can tell a girl

" It's too bad I don't know you well enough to tell you,

what I'm thinking right now..."

Disqualifiers are also great for baiting women.

You can disqualify a girl for being " not for real"

or a "player" and watch how quickly they will want to know why.

It's a good idea to smile and touch while you're disqualifying.

Disqualifying is mainly for the attraction

phase and for masking escalations.

Hope that helps you guys,

S

Baiting and Cold Reads‏

Since I am the UNQUESTIONED king of

Day Game, I wanted to talk about how to

apply a great tactic to a common day time

approach.

Today we're going to look at a common

Scenario, a woman walking down the street

That you want to talk, you've started a conversation,

But don't know what to do next.

Let's look at how you can apply cold reading and

Bait to the interaction.

S: Hey I know this is REALLY random, but I noticed

you and I wanted to come meet you. I'm Jon.

J: I'm Jenny

S: You know I'm not even sure I should tell you say this, (Bait)

but, you're definitely not originally from LA. You have a total

NY vibe(Cold Read), I can tell by your...(Non Verbal Bait)

Ok so here I am using bait to get her to try to get

her to ask me what I might not say.

Then I give her a small cold read.

The purpose of this cold read is just to get

her talking back and contributing

I trail my voice off as if I can't quite put

my finger on how I knew that, the girl

will usually ask how I knew.

J: Yeah I'm from Chicago originally. How'd you know?

Here she gives me some information,

I can use to move the conversation forward

(Chicago and all things Chicago related, moving here, etc)

and she responds to the bait

S: I could just tell from the way you walk and,

you know I travel a lot for what I do(BAIT),

which I hate and I could just tell you're not an

LA girl. Plus you don't have the typical LA girl

uniform on (BAIT)

Here I bait her into asking me what I do,

As well as cold read her again as different

than most LA girls, which is an integral plotline

to romance. Finally I bait her to ask me

to tell her what LA girl uniform is.

None of this stuff is mind blowing, but little, applications

of technique like these, lead to much better results in the

Real World.

Best,

JS- The King Of Content

The Basics of Reverse Qualification‏

Today, I'm gonna be breaking

down, a topic that's pretty important

and almost never talked about.

That topic is Reverse Qualification.

Reverse Qualification is when after

Getting a girl to qualify herself,

You get her to qualify why she likes

You.

This goes against the basic tenet of

pickup "Don't qualify yourself."

Reverse Qualification is important,

Because it forces the girl to start

Thinking about why she likes you.

It's a bad idea to try to get the girl to

Qualify you early on, but after

You have attraction and have

Made her jump through some hoops,

You'll want to get her to commit to

Liking you.

I say something like

" Besides that I'm hot,

and we'd have

melt the paint off the walls sex,

why do you like me?"

Now, what the woman responds with is

Less Important than her effort in trying

To respond. If she doesn't say anything,

and just laughs, you may have some

flaking issues in your future. If

however she respond with anything,

joke or otherwise, that tells you she likes,

you, it's on.

If she does qualify why she likes you,

Be sure to reward her, with either

a compliment or an statement of intent.

Reverse Qualification, works on the psychological

Principle of commitment and consistency.

Once a woman says she likes you or gives you

A reason she likes you. She will be more likely to

Call you back, go on a date with you and ultimately

Sleep with you.

Hope that helps,

JS- The King Of Content

How to Kiss a Women for The First Time - The Almost Kiss

Hey guys,

Today is your lucky day!

That's because today, I'm going to dig into

\my top secret vault of dating tactics and techniques,

and share my favorite way to kiss a woman for the first time.

The Almost Kiss.

The Almost Kiss is a great technique because it actually gets

the girl to kiss you first, most of the time. I'd say in the 80-90%

range if you do it right. It also helps build a huge amount of sexual

tension. I've seen some other versions out there floating around but

this will be the original one I learned from my friend Thom.

Without further Ado, here's how you use The Almost Kiss routine.

First you should have been talking to the girl for at least 25 minutes.

Kissing(especially in clubs) is not a big deal and can happen almost

immediately if attraction is there. However, you don't want to kiss

her too soon because she may regret it later.

Second you need to make sure you are having a one on one

conversation with the girl. It's a bad idea to try to do this in

front of her friends, as it makes her look bad. If you need an

excuse to get her away from her friends try saying this.

" I'm gonna go get another drink at the bar. Keep me company."

Then while she's talking you need to interrupt and say something

like this " Hey, I'm really sorry, but I'm having a REALLY hard

time paying attention to what you're saying. I'm really just thinking

about kissing you. And I know we're not ready for that , but here's

what we're going to do. We're going to do an almost kiss."

Now here she will probably ask you what an almost kiss is.

Explain that the two of you are going to get as close as possible

without kissing. Ideally you should be able to feel her breath on

your lips when you do this.

Before you actually go in for the almost kiss, you need to make

her pinky swear she's not going to kiss you.

Hold the almost kiss for 2-3 seconds and then lightly and playfully

push her away and say " That's all you get!"

Now here's where the genius comes in. After the first time you do

an almost kiss, you go back to normal conversation. Then 5,10 or

15 minutes later you tell her you're ready for another almost kiss.

The second time the girl will almost always break and kiss you first.

The sexual tension just becomes unbearable to the girl, so she releases

it by kissing you first. That's why I love this routine, because when

the girl kisses you first she thinks it's her idea. Plus it takes all the

guess work out of when you have to make a move.

So the next time you're stuck and don't know when or how to

kiss a girl, try an almost kiss. She might just kiss you first.

Talk to you soon

JS- The King Of Content

How To Get Good With Women FAST

Learning Game The Fastest Way Possible:

Even though I’ve been a dating coach for a while now, most nights when I go out I still get approach anxiety. After talking to the other love systems dating coaches, I’ve found that most do. I’ve found writing out goals, a really great process that helps me overcome approach anxiety and additionally helps me implement new pieces to my game easily. People think they are not improving because they are telling brain what is supposed to do faster than it can implement. This leads to frustration and causes you to lose interest in going out because your brain overestimates how many attempts it has made.

On Braddock’s suggestion I read Brian Tracey’s Book Psychology of Achievement, which has some amazing sections on goal setting, which I’ve applied to game. Also from Braddock I stopped reading everything I could get and started spending 2 hours in-field implementing for every hour I spent reading which we’ll cover later. I actually started setting and measuring goals in this way in another area of my life before I read Brian Tracey’s book to overcome limiting beliefs. Before game and before learning to work out properly I used to be extremely shy, and extremely skinny, and I thought I would live and die that way because I started so many workouts and did not seem to make any real progress in strength or weight gains. I figured I was stuck being a twig. I’d learn everything about a new workout program workout for what seemed like months and my bench would maybe go from 85lbs to 100lbs. I would get frustrated at the paltry gains and give up.

I had stopped working out and my body weakened back to an 85lb bench based on the belief that I just couldn’t get big. Then I joined a sport that I really enjoyed but that requires a lot of strength and conditioning (boxing). As a team we tested and recorded how much we could lift to get a baseline on where we were starting. Based on this we used formulas to determine weekly goals and a final goal based on 3 total months of training. As usual I didn’t seem to be making any gains… maybe 5lbs more than normal based on this new system so I was up to 105lbs on bench. But then I looked back through my workout log and realized I had only worked out 12 times in 3 weeks. Which comes out to 6.5lbs per week, putting me on track to go up around 80lbs in 3 months to 165 or nearly double where I started.

By writing out my goals my actual progress was put into perspective, normally negative beliefs would cloud my judgment, but by writing my goals down I realized I was making huge gains, even though negative thoughts were trying to convince me I had been working out for 2 months, it was only 3 weeks. Seeing the FACT that I had gone to the gym only 12 times and progressed faster than my goal of 5lbs per week made me even MORE enthusiastic about hitting the gym and I ended up beating all my goals at the end of 3 months.

Many times people starting out in game or even guys who have been out there for a while forget their baseline. They only think in terms of sex as a final motive, “Oh, I went out and didn’t get laid again… I’m not getting any better even after half a year”. But in reality they’ve only been going out for 2 months and even though it feels like they are doing 20 sets per night 4 nights a week, they have actually only gone out 1.5 nights and opened maybe 2-3 sets per night on average (including the nights they got huge anxiety and just stood there all night). So all told 12 times and 24-36 sets… not a lot.

How do we overcome this distorted feedback?

Hopefully it’s obvious by now, but you need to WRITE out QUANTITATIVE goals… I know what you’re thinking, “But Helicase, I don’t need to write it down I can just think it”. You’re doing it wrong if you’re not writing them down. You are not getting the maximum benefit, and it may help you for a night, but you will forget it. Genius’ do things repeatedly, they do something once and their brain records it and it is set as a default for next time. This is how naturals get good; their brain is able to repeat the process every time. YOU can NOT do this, or I would have seen you at Harvard this past weekend stealing girls from me.. (And I didn’t because if I did I would have gotten your info, learned from you and broken your game down to teach to students.)

But there is an easy way to replicate what genius’ do. WRITE IT DOWN.

Alright let’s get this boiling:

Write out quantitative goals.

Quantitative goals have NUMBERS… (re-read this 3 times and attach it to goals)

i.e. I want to approach 10 sets tonight, I want to do 3 warm up sets

So the basic structure that I use and that really helped students this weekend in Boston was to set up a total number of sets they wanted to open including warm ups. And also include the number of times they were going to use certain transitions (i.e. Good girl bad girl 5 times – & – Finger Length Routine 5 times.) on the first night and number of times they were going to use a specific routine (i.e. handshake routine 5 times and Body guard role-play 5 times). You can also set the goal of “I’m going to learn x routine by using it every single set for 2 nights, 10 sets per night:

1. Write Long and Short Term Goals

1. 1. Short Term:
      1. Detailed below in number 2, basically what you’ll refer to on a nightly basis
   2. Long Term:
      1. Take your short-term goals and decide how many times you want to accomplish your short-term goal.
      2. *Example*: Let’s say your short-term goal is to open 10 sets per night: Goal: Open 10 Sets Per Night for 10 nights by going out 2 times per week for 5 weeks. 100 Approaches total.
      3. Completing your short-term goal 10 times by going out 2 nights per week for 5 weeks is your long-term goal.

2. Writing good warm up goals: Warm up EVERY NIGHT (credit Braddock). We want to use warm up sets to GRADUALLY increase the amount of social pressure we’re putting on ourselves. Start with the easiest people to talk to and work up to the hardest. It’s just like a warm up when you work out, Arnold could bench 500lbs but he always warmed up with the bar and slowly worked his way up to that weight. So think of some people who are easy to talk to ________________________________? “Hey how’s your night going?” is something I ask probably 5-10 people before I approach the first girl in the bar. I usually buy gum and chat with the clerk chat with my cab driver, chat with the door guy about the venue or weather, girls in line, the list goes on and on.

1. 1. Store clerks, cabbies, random people on the street
   2. Guys who work at the venue (casual convo)
   3. Guys who are just hanging out but don’t work there (casual convo)
   4. Girls who work there (light compliments & teases)
   5. Girls who DON’T work there (causal convo and light game)

f. **An example** 3 warm up sets: 1 male worker, 2 girls You need to include numbers for everything, 3 warm-ups is NOT good enough.

g. I also start with the easiest things to say: functional questions: how’s your night? Do you know what time it is? Do you know where x,y,z is? Then move to something harder like Light compliments: Cool Shoes man, Cool Shirt man, Cute shoes, etc. Then finally move into openers and teasing.

3. Set goals for NON warm up approaches.

a. If you’re starting out be realistic about your current experience, i.e. take a good baseline. If you’ve never gone out before don’t try to do 20 sets your first night. What is a good goal? Take your current baseline and add 50% so if you’re at 4 per week set the goal to do 6 approaches this week (50% of 4 =2 4+2=6 . And 9 the next, 14 the next and 20 the next etc. Multiply what you’re currently doing by 1.5 you’ve got your new goal.

b. The KEY here is to take an accurate baseline of what you’re ACTUALLY doing. The brain likes to distort reality to protect your ego. In food studies people skewed the amount they thought they ate by HUGE percentages so they could avoid responsibility for their weight. So be brutally honest with yourself if you want to make real progress. GO OUT AND ACTUALLY RECORD THE NUMBER

4. How do I use this to add new pieces to my game the smart and efficient way?

a. Setting goals for number of approaches is great if you’re learning to open and/or trying to get over early night jitters, but what if most of your sets are hooking? GREAT! You should still set goals for the night, but if you’ve got opening and transitioning mastered, Start setting goals for how many times you’re going to use a specific piece of material.

b. So let’s say you’re like me and you’re adding dating coach Braddock’s Take-aways and Boundaries & DaHunter’s Sexual Hoops to your game. My goal is to open 6 sets per night, and use take-aways in 3 of them and to use sexual hoops in 3 of them. Having this written down keeps me excited about approaching. Instead of thinking oh what if she blows me out I’m focused on… I really want to try out sexual-hoops, I really want to practice my take-aways.

c. Another example when you’re getting past the goals of opening and transitioning would be “use the marriage role-play in 4 sets tonight, and ask for phone numbers in at least 3 sets”. Even if you don’t have the perfect opportunity to ask for a number forcing yourself to ask prepares you for when you do have a great set in the future.

5. Keeping Track. The end of your goals should be a space labeled RESULTS. Write down how many sets you did, and how many times you implemented a specific skill you’re trying to learn. If you keep getting stuck remember where you went wrong and think of what you could have said or done because when it comes up again your brain will default to what you wrote and you will improve like crazy!

Writing all of these goals down and referring back to them will help keep you focused on building solid game from the beginning of the emotional progression model to the end. Mastering each step then adding the next is the fastest way to learn game and setting and recording your goals is the best way to hold yourself to it, keep it fun, and see how fast you improve.

Why does this help so much? Because the brain is a goal seeking entity and by setting small goals you get a shot of dopamine every time you check one off. Setting small goals like this will turn learning game into a slightly less habit-forming version of crack. You will have something to be happy about every night, this changes you from a glass half empty guy, straight into a Glass is overflowing guy.

I learned most of this from Braddock and DaHunter as well as Brian Tracey. We tried it out at Mr. M’s last bootcamp and it really seemed to help students stay on track and not get lost. And remember for every hour spent reading material spend 2 hours in the field.

Goal 1: Write out quantitative Goals for 1 Month.

Goals:

Results:

Have fun,

-Helicase

Make a Girl Laugh

What do Women Find Funny?

For the longest time, I thought I knew what it took to make women laugh. I thought I knew how to be funny to girls, that I knew all of the jokes they wanted. I thought all women wanted was the same kinds of jokes that men did. You know, the sarcastic wit and ironic punch lines that all guys like. Comedy is supposed to be universal after all, right?

Wrong.

All I looked around at the guys that were getting girls, I was noticing that the guys, in most cases, didn’t need to have a great sense of humor. Or even be funny at all. The secret was something else completely.

What do women find funny?

I sought at to answer this question some time ago by reading a few books. One of these books suggested that women want a guy who is cocky-funny, using a barrage of sarcasm to almost bully women into liking you. It made sense to me at the time, so I tried it out. Big mistake.

I ended up getting a few women to like me using this approach. Since it seemed to be working, I tried to use this on every woman I saw. Big mistake.

What I learned was that the women I was using this strategy on were the more “tomboy” side of the group, the girls who are generally more masculine. While that’s all well and good, what occurred to me was that, by only attracting this small minority of women, I was leaving a huge percentage of women still on the table. Right off the bat, by using this method, most women hated me. I needed to change things up.

That’s when I started to focus on watching my friend Will. Will is not who I’d call the wittiest or funniest guy around, but he always seemed to have a great rapport with women. Girls were always around him, maybe not rolling on the ground in stitches, but always with a playful smile on their face. What was his secret?

Watching him, I realized that he had what I’d like to call a “playground” or “fourth grade” sensibility when it came to humor. He would tell knock-knock jokes, or playfully tickle the girls. Instead of being the greatest comic of all time, he was just out there having fun with the girls, and that’s what they were responding to. And that’s when it hit me:

Girls don’t want funny, they want fun.

Buy why?

A simple process for making girls laugh

Look around for a moment and realize what girls are laughing at. They’re not heading out to the latest dark indie movie or listening to the new Louis CK album. (If they are, good for them, but this is a rare thing.) They’re going out to the latest romantic comedy and having a good time. There’s a reason romantic comedies are geared towards a female audience. That’s what they respond to!

In the same way, don’t let your humor be too sophisticated or clever. It’ll just look like you’re trying too hard and girls don’t respond to guys who are out there trying to act “cool”. They respond to guys who are just being themselves. Especially if they themselves are fun.

Think about it: If you tell a hard-to-follow joke to a girl, she will sit there for a moment confused, trying to figure out your joke. That moment of her figuring-it-out, even if it’s a great joke, is a moment that takes her out of the moment. She just wants to respond to the fun that you’re exuding, not worry about whether or not she’s getting the joke. Again fun, not funny.

Playground humor never gets old. Just imagine you’re two fourth-graders out on the playground at recess. Back then it was just about simple jokes and having a fun time. This is the kind of atmosphere you want to provide for the girl.

The “mouse race”

One of my favorite ways to bring about this playground sensibility is a little bar game called the “mouse race”. Simply take a pen and put it on a girl’s arm. Explain to her that you are going to show her a race between three mice. Say “and here goes the blind mouse, so tell him when you want him to stop.” Immediately, start drawing up her arm. Obviously, she’ll tell the mouse to stop right away – she doesn’t want an arm full of ink, after all – so stop. Follow this up by having the “dumb mouse” race. Using the same process, have her tell you when he should stop. Start drawing and, once again, she’ll immediately tell you to stop. Finally, it’s time to race the “deaf mouse”. Start drawing up her arm and, once again, she’ll tell you to stop. But this time, don’t. Instead continue drawing up her arm.

If she gets the joke, she should start laughing at this silly, stupid little joke. The point isn’t that it’s funny, but that it’s fun. And if she doesn’t understand the joke, let her know. “Deaf mice can’t hear you tell them to stop!” She’ll start laughing at both the stupidity of the joke and that she wasn’t able to put that together on her own. And then, you’re off.

Remember, forget about funny. Just be fun!

For now, take it back to the playground.

3 Ways to Start Conversations with Women

[Bobby Rio is a regular contributor to BG in the area of social dynamics and dating, and you can check out Make Small Talk Sexy, his secrets for escalating boring conversations into engaging, sexual conversations.]

Most guys spend their entire lives asking "What do you say to start a conversation with a girl?"

What if I told you it was a lot simpler than you think?

Actually, there are really only three possible ways to initiate a conversation with a woman. So, it just comes down to deciding which approach you're most comfortable with - and then refining it until it works for you.

Here are the three methods of initiating conversations with women:

1. Indirect Openers
This is the method made famous by the book "The Game."

An "indirect opener" is simply a way of starting a conversation with a woman that gives her no indication that you are trying to pick her up. A very basic example of this is "Do you know what time it is?"

This method is used to go in "under the radar." The theory behind this is that by going in "under the radar" the woman will not immediately reject you. And this leaves you time to build attraction while her guard is down.

The best "indirect" openers start the conversation with "girl friendly" topics. By starting a conversation with a girl friendly topic such as pop culture, drama, or relationships, the girl is much more likely to get engaged in the conversation more quickly.

My favorite indirect opener is: "Do drunk 'I love you's' count?"

This works so well because it is a topic that women LOVE debating. So the minute you introduce it into the conversation they completely forget that you're "hitting" on them.

Who this works best for: This style of starting a conversation with a woman works best for the guy who fears rejection.

2. Direct Openers
This is the method made famous by guys like James Bond.

A "direct opener" is simply walking up to a woman and being up front about your intentions. A basic example of an indirect opener is "You are really cute and I wanted to come over here and talk to you."

This method is higher risk than "indirect" because it immediately lets a woman know your intention. But with great risk comes great reward. Women are often attracted to the confidence they see in a man who can be to be so direct with her.

The best "direct" openers are delivered with a cool, calm, and confident poise. In fact, confidence is essential to this way of opening a woman.

If a woman senses any fear, nervousness, or hesitation as you say it.. you will come off as insecure instead of dominant and "alpha."

My favorite direct opener: "You are really cute in a dorky sort of way..."

Who this works best for: Guys who are extremely confident and self assured.

3. Situational Humor
This is a method made famous by most romantic comedies.

Starting a conversation with a woman using humor is a really easy way to break the ice. This can be as simple as making a joke about the type of cereal a woman is buying in Whole Foods.

This method is great because it allows you start the interaction with a fun and flirty and vibe. It also gives the woman the feeling of "spontaneity."

The downside to this method is that often you spend way too long trying to find something funny to say... and lose your chance to talk to her.

Situational Humor Example: (Girl brushes her hand against your butt accidentally) "Did you just grab my ass?"

Who this works best for: Guys who are naturally fun and playful. It also works best for guys who can think on their feet.

So there you go...

Mystery - The Pickup Artist: The New and Improved Art of Seduction

If you've been wondering why Mystery has been so quite lately, here's the reason:

Mystery has written ANOTHER book, 'The Pickup Artist: The New and Improved Art of Seduction' that promises to solve every problem any man's ever had. We'll see...

Pyramid Theory: Why You Can’t Get Every Girl

I’ve been meeting a lot of guys recently who talk about “getting every woman they want.” Anyone who ever claims that they can get any woman they want probably isn’t as good with women as they think they are.

What are they good at is either a) marketing or b) identifying women that are going to be receptive to them and going after those ones.

Who has a 100% success rate with women? Show me that man, and I’ll show you a fake. Whenever I think about dating, I always make comparisons with other areas of life (after all, everything is related; there are fundamental principles are at the root of everything). With that in mind, who has a 100% success rate in anything?

Let’s look at the world of technology for a moment. I’m typing this article on my Apple MacBook right now (from a Starbucks in Melbourne – life of a travelling dating coach, eh). I am ardent Apple fan, having converted from PCs to Mac earlier this year. Offer me the coolest, thinnest, supposedly most functional PC laptop in the world, and I’d say, “No thank you, I’m good with my MacBook.”

Does that mean that the PC laptop is a bad product? That there isn’t someone out there that would give their right leg for it? That there isn’t someone that that PC would make incredibly happy?

Apple and Microsoft are both incredibly successful companies, each with fantastic products that have allowed people the world over to do things we couldn’t decades ago. And they both have their loyal fan bases. But neither of them “gets” every customer.

It’s the same with dating.

You can be incredibly attractive and incredibly successful with women, but no matter who you are, you will never get every woman. Of course there will be times when you are on a hot streak, and you may even go “5 for 5,” but you will have dry streaks too. People talk about consistency, but the truth is there’s no 100% consistency. Human nature, the world and life is far too diverse and unpredictable for that.

Therefore, there is a certain amount of rejection that you shouldn’t take personally. Now if you’re always getting rejected and having zero success, then of course there are probably things you’re doing wrong. But if overall, you’re making progress in your dating life, then don’t sweat a bit of rejection here and there. Rejection is healthy. If you didn’t get it, you would get bored. People don’t appreciate things that come too easily and too predictably. If it was so easy to find a woman you could fall in love with, would you really value it that much?

Think of it like a pyramid. Out of all the women in the world (over 3 billion), how many of those are you actually physically attracted to? A percentage of that, right?

Out of those women you are physically attracted to, when you talk to them, how many of those can you generate an emotional connection with? I.e. those who you can relate to and demonstrate a higher or equal level of social value to? A percentage of that, right?

Out of those that you can build an emotional connection with, how many of those are then logistically available to spend time with you? I.e. they don’t have a boyfriend, they have some free time later on that day or night to see you, they don’t have a million friends they are supposed to meet up with etc.? A percentage, right?

Out of those that you then have sex with, how many do you have such a good time with that you want to see again, and you ultimately fall in love with? Again, a percentage of that.

When you think of dating in terms of a pyramid like this, it lessens the pressure we put on ourselves that “everything has to happen perfectly without rejection.” Looking at it in terms of the pyramid, we realise that rejection is necessary at every stage to find the connections that we can make further up the pyramid.

So don’t believe anyone that tells you they get every girl. They’re either lying for the sake of their ego, trying to sell you something, or simply going for the easy shots.

Rejection is healthy and will keep you determined to achieve the successes. That one special woman you want to meet isn’t going to be so special unless it’s a challenge to find her.

- Jeremy Soul

How to Flirt With Women: The Art of Push/Pull

In my years of being a Dating Coach it’s become apparent that the most important and easiest way to flirt with women is to use what is called Push/Pull.

Basic Definition: “Saying something nice and dove tailing it with something mean or saying something mean and dove tailing it with something nice.”

On a more advanced level flirting using push/pull is the art of using both your physical touch/facial expressions and your words in unison. This could mean that you tease her about something or playfully call her out on something, yet while doing so you are smiling, you pull her in and hug her just before she gets mad to show her you are kidding. The guys I know who are the best with women when it comes to flirting, building attraction in the first encounter, building attraction in social circle settings, or maintaining a fun relationship are masters of push/pull.

To truly master push/pull you must learn to calibrate to the woman. Each woman has her own default push/pull blueprint. Some girls blueprint is that they respond best when the ratio is 5 pushes to every 1 pull. With these type of women, they will quickly get bored with a guy who tries to compliment “pull” to often. Even with these women, the pull must appear at some point or she will give up and lose interest assuming you are just a jerk.

Other girls default blueprint is just the opposite. If you want to properly flirt with these women, you will be best off giving light compliments “pulling” maybe 5 times for every one tease “push.”

However, even though each woman has her own default blueprint for when she first meets new guys, this blueprint can quickly change relative to your value. That same woman who would have felt massive attraction to a 5 pushes to 1 pull ratio, will not be receptive to a low value guy attempting such a ratio. However, the woman who responds better to 5 pulls and 1 push and would normally get upset if the average guy teased her to much, will have no problem being teased hard by a guy who she considers extremely high value in her social circle or a celebrity.

Basic Example of Push/Pull:

The Push: (In Orange)

The Pull: (In Green)

I meet a girl, we are flirting, but 10 minutes in I find out she is from Texas. Since I’m originally from Oklahoma. There is a natural reason for immediate push/pull.

Braddock: “Damn, you’re from Texas. (Faking disappointment with face and body language) This sucks, you’re really cute and I was just starting to like you, but now I have to break up with you. I’m going to need my CD’s back and my letter jacket. Now that I know you are from Texas, I don’t feel so bad about cheating on you. But, you were amazing in bed. This makes me sad.” (Pretend to walk away, then come back smiling. She drops her jaw and playfully punches me in the arm. I pull her in, hug her and kiss her on the cheek).

Breakdown of The Above:

The Push? (In Orange)

Any point in the above where I’m saying something mean, pretend to break up with her, pretend to be disapointed, or fake walking away.

Go out and practice pushing as hard as you can without pissing girls off. The sweet spot is when she is almost mad, but you can tell she likes that you have the balls to push her buttons, yet the social savvy to release the tension by intermittently complimenting or physically being warm “pulling.” Go out for a week and mess this up. I give you permission to piss some girls off. This is the only way you will know what the boundary is with this stuff. The more she likes you and the more attracted she is, the harder you can push. This is how you build deep layers of attraction with women. The farther you can successfully take things with the teasing “pushing” the better it will feel for her when you do release the tension by being warm verbally or physically, “pulling.”

The Pull? (In Green)

Any point in the above where I compliment her, smile, or physically escalate. When you are trying to flirt with women, don’t kill the sexual tension by over pulling.

Most guys will say, “Just kidding” when the girl wasn’t even mad. Save comments like “just kidding” for when you truly piss her off and even then, use it sparingly. Also, don’t kill sexual tension by playfully pushing, but laughing at your own joke to early in an attempt to break the tension, hoping she will ‘be ok with it.’ Have some balls and be ok with creating some tension. This tension is what makes the compliments “the pull” actually feel really good. No tension + pulling = no attraction and no secondary gain of the pull feeling good. Pulling with no attraction, is simply validating her, not causing a connection.

Go out and practice complimenting. Range them and see what happens. Notice the difference when you give light compliments after several teases. Notice that it doesn’t kill the tension, but actually allows you to push it farther. Then try over complimenting to early and being way to nice and notice how it kills the sexual tension and makes it even harder to push the next time.

-Braddock

How Travelling Helps You with Girls

Back in August, Soul and I were discussing travelling and how it helps your game. I have been fortunate enough to do quite a bit of travelling while I was at University, but this was before I knew about game. In 2009, my game has exploded – thanks mainly to hanging out with Mr M, Braddock, Daxx and of course Soul. Earlier this year I quit my well paying office job in the UK and bought a one-way ticket to Asia, without too much of a plan. Since then I’ve learned more about game, and people in general, than I could ever have imagined. My goal in this article is to share some of my experiences and encourage you to get out there and see the world for yourself.

What is travelling actually like?

Like I said in my previous article, when I’m talking about travelling, I am referring to extended trips usually with a backpack and very small budget. This isn’t about gaming girls on vacation at Spring Break or anything like that. This year, my stomping grounds have mostly been around South East Asia – Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Malaysia and Singapore. These countries are great to travel around, even with a limited budget. Transport is easy and, for the most part, everything is very safe.

You stay in hostels or guesthouses (budget hotels), usually for less than $10 per night. This is not 5 star, in fact it usually isn’t any stars! Some hostels have kitchens where you can cook your own food. Depending on which part of the world you are in, it may be cheaper just to eat at restaurants all the time. In Asia this is certainly the case! A local meal can cost 50cents and a burger with fries is usually $2 or more. Generally speaking beer is very cheap, and often very strong, so pace yourself!

You can spend the daytime doing any number of activities from scuba diving to bungee jumping. There are hundreds of amazing tourist sites that you can check out as well. I have been fortunate enough to visit some truly amazing places, however travelling is so much more than this. I remember going to see the Great Wall of China, which was great. However, I went out that night in Beijing with some really cool people and had a blast. For me, the night out was better than the Wall. It is this social aspect of travelling that really can propel your game to the next level.

Why it helps your game

At home, most of us have jobs and other commitments that keep us busy. Even if your workplace is a very sociable environment, it can’t compare to travelling. Being in social situations almost 24/7 really changes how your behaviours and more importantly, your confidence. I used to like having a few hours at home just to chill, but recently I’ve noticed that I now avoid doing this as much as possible in favour of hanging out with friends. It also means that I’m constantly in that social mood and I no longer have to “turn it on” when I go into a bar.

For some people, this may be quite far outside of your comfort zone. A popular personality categorization tool called Myers Briggs, attempts to categorize people as having introverted preferences or extroverted preferences. What you don’t often get told is that these preferences are mostly learned behaviours. I can assure you that given enough time, even the quietest individuals can become a socialite. Travel will constantly put you in this position, as there are always hundreds of people all around you looking to make friends with practically anyone.

This also means that there are hundreds of girls looking to hook up, which is never a bad thing! During the day, it’s not as charged as a Spring Break or Ibiza atmosphere, but the girls you meet are normally a lot more fun and interesting to hang out with. When you go out at night, particularly in the large cities, you will of course have a fantastic bar/club scene just like at home. Where travelling stands out, is that you get to hang out with all of these girls during the daytime too. This makes hooking up at night much easier and allows you to build massive social proof before you even get to a bar. All this time you are having fun, doing cool activities and seeing amazing sights.

Don’t think that you need to be a Day Game master to pull this off either. While travelling, approaching girls during the day is very common for anyone, not just guys with game. There is a sort of “foreign people band together” type attitude. Imagine being in a city with 25 million people who don’t speak English. It’s very common to go and talk to other travellers, and it is also common for them to approach you. This doesn’t mean you should stop doing direct day game approaches or anything like that, it simply means that each day you will likely meet several cool people without doing anything.

Another great thing about travelling is that logistics are usually very good. People tend to gravitate towards the same hostels or the same general area. This makes it much easier than in London or New York, where everyone likes an hour away from the club. Also, taxis are very cheap – picture around $5 for a 30 minute cab ride. And if all else fails, there is always the beach!

Why you should do it

Aside from having a great time, travelling unquestionably helps you to improve your game. This is true both in reference experiences plus having the chance to see plenty of naturals in action. It also gets guys away from talking pickup with their “wings” all night.

Travel is a great thing to put on your CV or for College/University applications. It demonstrates to employers that you are a worldly person that understands different cultures. If also provides numerous experiences to recall in answering many interview questions – I got a job offer once that was 90% based on my story about being stranded in Tokyo with no money.

It provides a great number of true experiences that you can recall in future when picking up girls. If you like story telling then one trip will provide a goldmine of content. Some of my worst experiences have turned out to be my best stories so don’t fret if things don’t always go to plan.

3 things you can do to dramatically improve success

1. Stay where the crowds stay, and nowhere else. Pick up a Lonely Planet guidebook and look for a hostel/guesthouse in the budget section that specifically mentions a friendly atmosphere, social lounge/tv area, group trips or a happy hour bar scene. These places attract a larger number of people. My friend and I found a great guesthouse for about $14 a night (in total) that had air con, TV and a pool. But there was nobody else staying there. The next place we stayed in was the same price but had considerably less amenities. However they had 20cents beers at happy hour and there were always dozens of people hanging out, even at 4am in the morning. Don’t worry about staying in rubbish accommodation as you will be spending most of the day outside anyway.
2. Talk to everyone, even those you wouldn’t normally speak to. Guys, girls, it doesn’t matter. You have to be as sociable as possible to everyone. You never know who is going to introduce you to their hot female friend or who you will bump into in the next country you visit. This is partially about building social proof, but equally about making connections. The quiet guy that wasn’t talking to anyone could show you a great bar you didn’t know existed. The ugly girl in the swimming pool could introduce you to the girl of your dreams. The married couple could introduce you to an important future business contact. The point is, don’t assign value to someone without talking to them for a reasonable amount of time. You are in a different environment and pigeon holing people based on past experiences won’t work out so well – you will be a much poor judge of value when interacting with foreign cultures.
3. Sexualize and state your intent. The downside to meeting loads of girls during the day is that you often find yourself heading towards the friend zone. The opposite is that you are that weird guy who hits on every girl in the hostel before lunch. Night time is by far the best time to crank up the heat on this, but you have to ensure that you keep this option open during the day. You have to calibrate this, but DO generate attraction during the day. Take small steps forward and keep taking steps forward. You will find yourself having conversations about where you are from/what you do etc which many instructors tell you to avoid when in a bar. It is fine to do this during the day, so long as you are aware that you must build attraction. Think of it as a leaking tap slowly filling up the attraction cup. It’s not a highly noticeable like some flash club game, but both you and the girl are aware on some level that its going on.

What are you waiting for?

It’s easy to find an excuse not to go travelling, but you should really think through your options before writing it off. If you are a student, then summer time is the perfect time to go travelling. Better still, you can take a gap year before or after college. Round the world tickets (which let you stop in any country you want to) are very affordable now too. Long haul airline flights are generally very cheap if you book far enough in advance.

For those of you with jobs, many corporations allow you to take up to a year out of work and come back to your job upon returning. You must usually have severed with a company for 2 or 3 years before this is allowed. Your career is effectively on freeze for a year, meaning you don’t get paid but also can’t get laid-off. You may find yourself in a much better position when you return with newly found confidence having had one of the best experiences of your life.

In closing, get out there and do it! The only person you need permission from is yourself. I promise you, any travel experience will change your life.

Mark W.

5 Ways to Get Good with Girls This Year

As the holidays come to an end and the New Year rolls around, we’re all faced with the same thing: we want more from our lives.

If you haven’t got your dating life sorted out yet, you need to take action now. If you don’t, every time you see a beautiful woman walk past you and you don’t say anything to her, the regret will eat away at your soul.

The biggest mistake that men make with women is not having a game plan. You need a game plan for dating as for everything else in life. So let’s look at some pointers for getting better at dating this year.

1. Figure out exactly what your ideal dating life is. I meet clients every week who tell me they want to get good with women, but I ask them, “What does that mean to you?”

For some, it means sleeping with a variety of women in low-commitment relationships. For some, it means finding that one, special girl. For some, it just means being able to approach any woman they want, anywhere and anytime.

Figure it out and write it down. Stick in on your wall. Write it on your iPhone. Find some way to keep it at the forefront of your mind as what you’re working towards on a daily basis.

2. Devise a strategy to achieve those goals. In order to achieve your ultimate goal, you need to figure out a good route there.

If you want more women in your life, then you’ll need to be making lots of approaches. If it’s higher quality women or that special girl you’re after, then you need to be screening more thoroughly for girlfriend criteria. If it’s a certain type of situation you like to meet women in (whether it’s the daytime, a bar or a social event), then figure out a plan to get into these situations as often as possible.

When I decided to get good with women, I realized I would need to be going out a lot to do it. I rented an apartment right in the centre of town, figured out the local day and nightspots that were full of good-looking women, and started going to them regularly.

3. Seek Mentors. You need people who are better with women than you to guide you.

This site is great for that. You also have the live training we do at Love Systems (formerly known as The Mystery Method). When you take a program with us, we become your mentors.

Either way, you need to be inspired by and emulate others who are already good at dating. Seek them out, train with them, befriend them, and absorb their wisdom.

4. Seek Peers. As well as mentors, you need people who are at your level that you can spend time hanging out with and being your wingmen.

People often find it easier to work towards things when they have other people doing the same with them (that’s why gym classes are so popular). It’s the same with dating.

Your peers will help you with the burdens and frustrations you face as you strive to work on your dating life and will be there to share your successes with too.

5. Keep a journal. Keep a record somewhere of the work you’re putting into your dating life, your feelings on how it’s going, and an honest appraisal of whether you’re meeting the targets you set yourself.

It’s your choice whether you keep a private journal or put it somewhere public (like a dating forum). If it’s the latter, you might build a following with your exploits, or even have other people to hold you accountable for making sure you achieve what you set out to.

I used to write a journal a few years back when I first started working on my dating life. Even now, after all this time, sometimes I’ll look at it and suddenly remember how far I’ve come since then. It’s a great way to store memories of events too. After all, it’s the journey and not the destination that makes everything so interesting.

- Jeremy Soul