I’ve been meeting a lot of guys recently who talk about “getting every woman they want.” Anyone who ever claims that they can get any woman they want probably isn’t as good with women as they think they are.
What are they good at is either a) marketing or b) identifying women that are going to be receptive to them and going after those ones.
Who has a 100% success rate with women? Show me that man, and I’ll show you a fake. Whenever I think about dating, I always make comparisons with other areas of life (after all, everything is related; there are fundamental principles are at the root of everything). With that in mind, who has a 100% success rate in anything?
Let’s look at the world of technology for a moment. I’m typing this article on my Apple MacBook right now (from a Starbucks in Melbourne – life of a travelling dating coach, eh). I am ardent Apple fan, having converted from PCs to Mac earlier this year. Offer me the coolest, thinnest, supposedly most functional PC laptop in the world, and I’d say, “No thank you, I’m good with my MacBook.”
Does that mean that the PC laptop is a bad product? That there isn’t someone out there that would give their right leg for it? That there isn’t someone that that PC would make incredibly happy?
Apple and Microsoft are both incredibly successful companies, each with fantastic products that have allowed people the world over to do things we couldn’t decades ago. And they both have their loyal fan bases. But neither of them “gets” every customer.
It’s the same with dating.
You can be incredibly attractive and incredibly successful with women, but no matter who you are, you will never get every woman. Of course there will be times when you are on a hot streak, and you may even go “5 for 5,” but you will have dry streaks too. People talk about consistency, but the truth is there’s no 100% consistency. Human nature, the world and life is far too diverse and unpredictable for that.
Therefore, there is a certain amount of rejection that you shouldn’t take personally. Now if you’re always getting rejected and having zero success, then of course there are probably things you’re doing wrong. But if overall, you’re making progress in your dating life, then don’t sweat a bit of rejection here and there. Rejection is healthy. If you didn’t get it, you would get bored. People don’t appreciate things that come too easily and too predictably. If it was so easy to find a woman you could fall in love with, would you really value it that much?
Think of it like a pyramid. Out of all the women in the world (over 3 billion), how many of those are you actually physically attracted to? A percentage of that, right?
Out of those women you are physically attracted to, when you talk to them, how many of those can you generate an emotional connection with? I.e. those who you can relate to and demonstrate a higher or equal level of social value to? A percentage of that, right?
Out of those that you can build an emotional connection with, how many of those are then logistically available to spend time with you? I.e. they don’t have a boyfriend, they have some free time later on that day or night to see you, they don’t have a million friends they are supposed to meet up with etc.? A percentage, right?
Out of those that you then have sex with, how many do you have such a good time with that you want to see again, and you ultimately fall in love with? Again, a percentage of that.
When you think of dating in terms of a pyramid like this, it lessens the pressure we put on ourselves that “everything has to happen perfectly without rejection.” Looking at it in terms of the pyramid, we realise that rejection is necessary at every stage to find the connections that we can make further up the pyramid.
So don’t believe anyone that tells you they get every girl. They’re either lying for the sake of their ego, trying to sell you something, or simply going for the easy shots.
Rejection is healthy and will keep you determined to achieve the successes. That one special woman you want to meet isn’t going to be so special unless it’s a challenge to find her.
- Jeremy Soul
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